Dear Friend,
I’ve thought about all that has happened just this year, and I can’t help but think I have a while until I live my glory days. I used to think high school would be the greatest time of my life. Football games and prom seemed like the most wonderful times. I realize now that there is so much more to be done: graduating from college, getting a job, traveling the world, and maybe someday settling down to have a family. How can a touchdown at a high school game or winning prom queen be it? I have already experienced so many wonderful times there is no way this can be my glory days. Things have definitely gotten more complicated, but the rewards are so much more fulfilling. Doing things for my self-knowing that my own hard work has paid off is so amazing I can’t wait to see what’s ahead. Maybe there is no such thing as “glory days”. Our whole life is something to be treasured and remembered. I think that high school or college stands out for most people because there aren’t as many responsibilities. We are young and free and there is nothing holding us back. As time goes on we loose that freedom, constrained by things like work and kids and time. I don’t want to look back on my life and feel like a few years were the best part. All of it should be great. I’m not sure if this is a realistic goal, but I guess in order for it to come true I have to work hard at enjoying every little detail.
Thanksgiving is coming soon and I can’t wait to see my family. I know in the last letter I complained a lot about my mom and my step-dad, but it was not always that bad. Back when it was just D, mom and I, the holidays were amazing. Mom would be at work for hours in the kitchen. She’d buzz around, freaking out about what needs to be done. The only way to get her to relax is to open a bottle of red wine. After a glass she starts to giggle and she tends to slow down. It’s always amazes me how no matter how much planning and organizing, we always forget to set the rolls out. We will all be stuffed with food and laughing about this or that when mom squeals, “Oh shit I forgot the rolls”! It is hilarious! She rushes to the fridge or the stove, which has probably been left on, to grab them but it’s always too late. We are too full or they are burned from being left in the oven for too long. She panics and wants to make another batch, but we force her to sit and have another glass of wine. Now that she and Bruce are separated I hope things will go back to the way they were. All I want is for the three of us to be together again.
Have I ever told you how beautiful my mom is? It would be impossible to describe, but I’ll try. She has amazing green eyes and the most gentle features. The laugh lines around her mouth are deep because she smiles all the time. I can’t tell you how much I love all her little wrinkles and freckles. They make me happy knowing that I have been there when most of them have been created. There are the freckles from all the times we spent Sunday at the lake. There is a wrinkle above her nose that she got from yelling at me to pick up my room every Friday night. She doesn’t try to hide her age and I love that about her. She is part of me and I can see that every time I look at her.
XOXO Avery
10.27.2008
10.07.2008
In Case You Were Wondering...
In case you were wondering I just talked to Larry and he is alive and well! He gets to come home for Christmas -only 79 days to go!
10.7.08
Dear Friend,
Did I ever tell you my step-dad was arrested? I was home one day with Larry and Hannah just sitting on the couch watching some random movie when mom and Bruce started to fight. I can’t remember what about exactly- probably something to do with the kids. Those little brats were always doing something to start a fight: Katrina stole money and then lied about it, Mathew refuses to do his homework, Jacob is mouthing off again. All Bruce ever says is, “Maybe, Kathy, it’s because you don’t love them enough. If you hugged them more they wouldn’t act out like this”. Oh really Bruce? The reason they are being giant pains in the @$$ is because they aren’t loved enough? Maybe it’s because their father doesn’t discipline them. Maybe it’s because you let them do whatever the F*** they want and then yell at my mom when she tries to control them. She had the same rules for D and I; look how we turned out.
Anyway, they went upstairs to fight because they thought that I wouldn’t hear them-WRONG. This was no unusual event for them. They fought almost every day. I guess that’s what you get when you get married after knowing each other only four months. Larry knew I was upset because I was shaking and my eyes had started to water. He just hugged me, but I don’t like being touched when I’m mad. Suddenly the yelling had stopped and then…thud. I lost it! I ran up the stairs and burst into mom and Bruce’s room. There was Bruce standing over my mom. She was curled up on the floor, crying, and holding her face. “Get the F**** away from my mom!” and his attention was turned to me. His piercing green eyes were lit up with rage as he came at me. His right hand went to my neck and I was pinned to the wall. “Shut up you little b****! This is none of your business!” I pushed him away and ran out the door and down the street.
Mom didn’t call the cops. “He’s a good man, he was just upset”, she said. Yeah, he’s such a good Christian, husband. He even has a sticker on his car that says, “I Love My Wife”. I love my mom. She is my best friend and I would do anything to protect her. I’ve been doing it most of my life, but I’m tired of being the adult. I want to be the one who is taken care of.
When I left for college I was afraid of what would happen. There was no one there to make sure that mom was ok. D has always been afraid of Bruce so I couldn’t count on him to do anything. Two weeks into school I got a call. “Bruce is in jail. He did it again and threatened D.” Finally he got what he deserved! She won’t press charges, but at least he will be on probation for three years. Anything else happens and it’s prison for the born again Christian. I love and respect my mom in so many ways, but how can you just stand by while your husband hurts you and your kids? How can you love someone who hits you? Why didn’t she leave him or call the police sooner? All I know is that I will never be like her when it comes to relationships.
Tom called this weekend. I haven’t heard from him since our barbeque this summer. It was such an amazing time. Grant’s parents were gone for two weeks so we had the place to ourselves. We wanted to throw an end of the summer party before everyone left for school. Tom and I drove to the grocery store and bought a ton of steak and vegetables for shish kabobs. Grant and his sister bought rum, limes and mint for the mojitos we were attempting to make. They ended up being mostly sour, minty rum until someone told us that we needed to add sugar. They were much better after that. We spent hours preparing for the party. We were all cooking and cutting up food, laughing because we were tipsy from the alcohol.
Becca and Sam were the first ones to arrive. Sam brought his hookah so he could show everyone how to blow smoke rings. You have to inhale and hold your mouth in an O shape. With your tongue in the middle of your mouth you puff out little amounts of smoke. It’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it. Landon and Tyler showed up around the same time. Tyler was high as usual, and proceeded to inspect a walnut that had been left on the counter. Kaitlyn and Sarah brought a cheesecake they made from scratch. Let me tell you, cheesecake and mojitos are excellent together!
So there we were- ten friends on the back patio with shish kabobs, mojitos, cheesecake, a hookah and a walnut. In that moment I felt infinite. Just a couple of friends visiting one last time together before everything changed. Maybe its because we were all drunk, or maybe it’s because we were buzzed from the hookah, but in that moment I could just relax and be free. No one to protect, no one to worry about, just me and my friends. Nothing mattered but how full we were and how goofy Tyler was being. He paused for a moment and looked up. “I feel like I know everything there is to know about this walnut”, and I knew exactly what he meant.
They are all gone now. Tyler, Sam, Becca, Landon, Grant, Kaitlyn and Sarah. It’s just Tom and me. I think we’ll have a barbeque soon. I guess I’ll have to make new friends.
XOXO,
Avery
P.S- Sorry for the cursing!
Did I ever tell you my step-dad was arrested? I was home one day with Larry and Hannah just sitting on the couch watching some random movie when mom and Bruce started to fight. I can’t remember what about exactly- probably something to do with the kids. Those little brats were always doing something to start a fight: Katrina stole money and then lied about it, Mathew refuses to do his homework, Jacob is mouthing off again. All Bruce ever says is, “Maybe, Kathy, it’s because you don’t love them enough. If you hugged them more they wouldn’t act out like this”. Oh really Bruce? The reason they are being giant pains in the @$$ is because they aren’t loved enough? Maybe it’s because their father doesn’t discipline them. Maybe it’s because you let them do whatever the F*** they want and then yell at my mom when she tries to control them. She had the same rules for D and I; look how we turned out.
Anyway, they went upstairs to fight because they thought that I wouldn’t hear them-WRONG. This was no unusual event for them. They fought almost every day. I guess that’s what you get when you get married after knowing each other only four months. Larry knew I was upset because I was shaking and my eyes had started to water. He just hugged me, but I don’t like being touched when I’m mad. Suddenly the yelling had stopped and then…thud. I lost it! I ran up the stairs and burst into mom and Bruce’s room. There was Bruce standing over my mom. She was curled up on the floor, crying, and holding her face. “Get the F**** away from my mom!” and his attention was turned to me. His piercing green eyes were lit up with rage as he came at me. His right hand went to my neck and I was pinned to the wall. “Shut up you little b****! This is none of your business!” I pushed him away and ran out the door and down the street.
Mom didn’t call the cops. “He’s a good man, he was just upset”, she said. Yeah, he’s such a good Christian, husband. He even has a sticker on his car that says, “I Love My Wife”. I love my mom. She is my best friend and I would do anything to protect her. I’ve been doing it most of my life, but I’m tired of being the adult. I want to be the one who is taken care of.
When I left for college I was afraid of what would happen. There was no one there to make sure that mom was ok. D has always been afraid of Bruce so I couldn’t count on him to do anything. Two weeks into school I got a call. “Bruce is in jail. He did it again and threatened D.” Finally he got what he deserved! She won’t press charges, but at least he will be on probation for three years. Anything else happens and it’s prison for the born again Christian. I love and respect my mom in so many ways, but how can you just stand by while your husband hurts you and your kids? How can you love someone who hits you? Why didn’t she leave him or call the police sooner? All I know is that I will never be like her when it comes to relationships.
Tom called this weekend. I haven’t heard from him since our barbeque this summer. It was such an amazing time. Grant’s parents were gone for two weeks so we had the place to ourselves. We wanted to throw an end of the summer party before everyone left for school. Tom and I drove to the grocery store and bought a ton of steak and vegetables for shish kabobs. Grant and his sister bought rum, limes and mint for the mojitos we were attempting to make. They ended up being mostly sour, minty rum until someone told us that we needed to add sugar. They were much better after that. We spent hours preparing for the party. We were all cooking and cutting up food, laughing because we were tipsy from the alcohol.
Becca and Sam were the first ones to arrive. Sam brought his hookah so he could show everyone how to blow smoke rings. You have to inhale and hold your mouth in an O shape. With your tongue in the middle of your mouth you puff out little amounts of smoke. It’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it. Landon and Tyler showed up around the same time. Tyler was high as usual, and proceeded to inspect a walnut that had been left on the counter. Kaitlyn and Sarah brought a cheesecake they made from scratch. Let me tell you, cheesecake and mojitos are excellent together!
So there we were- ten friends on the back patio with shish kabobs, mojitos, cheesecake, a hookah and a walnut. In that moment I felt infinite. Just a couple of friends visiting one last time together before everything changed. Maybe its because we were all drunk, or maybe it’s because we were buzzed from the hookah, but in that moment I could just relax and be free. No one to protect, no one to worry about, just me and my friends. Nothing mattered but how full we were and how goofy Tyler was being. He paused for a moment and looked up. “I feel like I know everything there is to know about this walnut”, and I knew exactly what he meant.
They are all gone now. Tyler, Sam, Becca, Landon, Grant, Kaitlyn and Sarah. It’s just Tom and me. I think we’ll have a barbeque soon. I guess I’ll have to make new friends.
XOXO,
Avery
P.S- Sorry for the cursing!
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